… along with the Hanged Man of the Tarot of Marseilles, within the framework offered by the Referential Birth Chart
I’m sorry… but… you didn’t ask me, I lost track of time, I thought that was better…
How many times have we found ourselves in this situation, where we heard the words but did not feel their honesty or authenticity?
How many times have we not lived the experience of the one who has to apologize, feels to express his regret, but the reaction of the person to whom we address it completely disarms us?
As Dr. Harriet Lerner says, we are often hurt by the other person’s failure rather than the act itself. True, you will say, there are deeds and deeds…
If in the case of incidents beyond our control we might be better able to deal with excuses, we will feel otherwise when we are aware of our contribution to the situation, event, context. The Hanged Man, Arcana XII of the Tarot of Marseilles, evokes the notions of release and trust and invites us to change our perspective.
What perspective? What release?
On one hand, we should keep in mind that the apologies are not for the situation as a whole but for our contribution to it. Interesting that the first words that come to mind are I’m sorry for this situation… Let’s not forget that what happens after we apologize is more important than saying the necessary words. We also often apologize for selfish reasons, out of a desire to free ourselves from the guilt we feel. It is no coincidence that these excuses have the opposite effect and can even degenerate into an argument…
On the other hand, working with the Hanged Man on the way we relearn to ask for forgiveness can lead us to a personal work of self-forgiveness.
What does this mean? Sometimes we are left speechless, bound hand and foot, suspended in time, sometimes due to resentment, other times due to guilt. What if we removed our hands from behind, metamorphosed into skilled acrobats (maybe the Acrobat from the Tarot of Marrakesh, created by Georges Colleuil) and tried to look at the situation from another angle?
Both resentment and guilt keep us stuck, keep us connected. Or in order to truly forgive, we must first of all forgive ourselves. We need to detach ourselves from the attachments of the EGO and carry that inner work with ourselves necessary to restore self-confidence. And this confidence comes with the assumption that apologizing does not necessarily mean obtaining forgiveness. It is a normal need to wait for forgiveness, but if we press too hard to get it, we will reduce the value of a sincere apology, said with the best of intentions.
In the spirit of the invitation to detach ourselves from the attachments of the EGO, the Hanged Man sends us another invitation – A good excuse is not about you, says Dr. Harriet Lerner.
But I would add, a real excuse is a first step in learning forgiveness.
I conclude with a definition of a genuine excuse offered by John Kador in his book Effective Appology: “A genuine excuse involves taking responsibility for harming another, expressing sincere regret, and promising not to repeat it. Where possible, this will also include a possible remedy for the situation. “
written by Monica Măgureanu
